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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Whole Ass Catalogue

Related Link » Cambridge Police Profiling Still A Grim Reality for Harvard Faculty Assholes
“Some suggest that the election of President Obama proves that America's prejudice against Harvard assholes is a quaint relic of the past. But for those of us who live with it every day, the evidence shows the opposite. And it isn't just Harvard assholes suffering the cold, rude hand of uppity townie privilege. Other, if less endowed, asshole faculties suffer similar oppression: in the southern Lacrosse fields of Duke; in the west coast arugula farms of Stanford; at Northwestern, wherever Northwestern is. No, we must not be silent. That is why I have used a portion of my class action windfall against the Cambridge Police department to produce a shocking new documentary film, "Asshole Like Me," detailing the courageous plight of the tenured Sphincter-American community. It premiers this Friday at the Science Center. Get your tickets now -- with free beer on tap, demand will be high!”
— From: Guest Opinion by Professor John Evans Evans-John [AKA Iowahawk], Harvard School of Harvard Faculty Asshole Studies, Harvard University
Good call on Northwestern, Professor. Turns out it's not in the Northwest! Those assholes are actually in the Midwest, ironically near the old stompin' grounds of certain alumni of the Harvard-asshole variety. Furthermore, the Harvard School of Harvard Faculty Asshole Studies has reciprocity agreements with their counterparts in all the other Ivies, including the Ivy of the South (Duke, as already mentioned), which is not, technically, an Ivy at all, it just has about as much money as the bona fide Ivies: Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Cornell, Columbia, Dartmouth, Brown, and Penn. The Asshole Studies at Columbia in particular are very strong, offering, as they do, dual Doctorates in Asshole Studies and Jew-hatred.

Post #875 The Whole Ass Catalogue

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