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Monday, November 9, 2009

§ Two Strikes You're Out: The "Winter Savings" Rule

{Rule #5 « Rule #6 » Rule #7}

§ ≡ One of an ongoing series of posts in which I promulgate, in my not-so-humble opinion, sensible rules for a society gone mad. Feel free to offer constructive dissenting opinions. But be advised: if your opinions aren't sensible, it's two strikes for you, and you're out of the gene pool. No exceptions.

If I only had some charisma I could rule this world-gone-mad at least as well as any community organizer. Quite possibly better. At least my legal system would be transparent, simple, and swift: if you are a stupid f*ck and do something that doesn't make any sense, your first offense earns you a reasonable penalty that fits your transgression. Your second offense earns you a one-way ticket out of the gene pool. No exceptions.
“I saw what they were bringing home; poetry and shit ...”
— From Dangerous Minds

Rule #6: The "Winter Savings" Rule
Related Link » Info & Trivia
“Kelly Ripa, co-host of the popular syndicated morning talk show Live with Regis and Kelly, has one of the most sought-after seats in television. In her past six years hosting with Regis Philbin, she has received five Daytime Emmy nominations for Outstanding Talk Show Host.”
OK. I do NOT watch the "Regis and Kelly" show, OK? But there's a big TV above our lobby's coffee machine, OK?

So, I was getting my morning cuppa and Kelly (OK, she's attractive; I'm partial to blonds) was going on about her walking trip to see the USS New York. She explains that she's been told it's winter, which is why she and her kids were all bundled up! Regis, BTW, is just staring at her boobs.

She continues in this vein, going on and on how it's winter, and what's up with this global warming, and poetry and shit like that, etc.

I have some questions:
  • Has that evil George Bush been messing around with the winter solstice?
  • Did I simply not get the memo that we have shifted into "winter savings" time?
  • Is Kelly Ripa a natural blond?
  • Is she insane?
  • Do celebrity blonds have to be told when it's winter?
  • Do celebrities have to be told when to go potty?

Penalty for first offense: A passing grade in remedial "Introduction to the Four Seasons".

Penalty for second offense, or whining about the first: A one-way ticket out of the gene pool. No exceptions.

h/t Theo
   "Fall Colors"

Post #994 § Two Strikes You're Out: The "Winter Savings" Rule

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