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Monday, September 7, 2009

You want a second opinion?

I get the occasional comment from a reader that, although my posts are generally interesting and well crafted, they are often incomprehensible. Well, perhaps that is so. But we aim to please here at Remembrance in Spacetime, so I have borrowed some straight talk from one of my favorite bloggers, Theo Spark at Last of the Few:
First, the basics:
Q. What is an economic stimulus payment?
A. It is money the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Next, how NOT to spend your stimulus money (and why):
  • If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China.
  • If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase a computer, your money will go to India.
  • If you purchase fruits and vegetables, your money will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
  • If you buy a car, your money will go to Japan or Korea.
  • If you purchase useless stuff, your money will go to Taiwan.
  • If you pay off your credit cards or buy stock, your money will go toward management bonuses, and be hidden offshore.

Instead, keep the stimulus money in America by:
  1. spending it at yard sales;
  2. going to ball games;
  3. spending it on prostitutes;
  4. buying beer; or
  5. getting tattoos.
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.

Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
You wanted a second opinion? You got it.

Post #922 You want a second opinion?

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