More Juice

h/t Secular Apostate

In the beginning, there was no juice, only chaos and death. The people had nothing to look forward to, except more toil and death. A very few had milk and honey and luxury, such as free time to have parties and enjoy life. These were the leaders who made everyone else's lives miserable.

Then a few individuals discovered juice. And they realized that juice was good for you despite its tart taste. People who adopted juice discovered that the brain is your friend, and they began to learn ethics and math and science. And a wise man of the juicy persuasion brought forth laws that codified civilized behavior, including prohibitions of murder, of all sorts of coveting, and of working on the weekend. The latter was a great boon to the people because now, even the lowliest could look forward to some leisure time, which essentially broke the endless cycle of work and death, and enabled the concept of a brighter future for the children.

But there were those who weren't happy with juice. They didn't want the people to look forward to a brighter future. They didn't want to share that blessing with the people because they believed it was a zero-sum game to do so. They wanted to monopolize leisure time and a better life for the children. So they restricted juice. Only the people who were clever with numbers were allowed juice, because much as they were despised, everyone knew you had to have bankers and accountants in order to have a working economy.

And so it came to pass that juice became the perfect scapegoat. Whatever ills befell the people, and there were many, they could blame it on juice and avoid assuming personal accountability. And anti-juicism was born, and those of the juicy persuasion became both indispensable to society and universally hated. And many were murdered.

But a few survived and they were allowed to live in a small parcel of arid land where the benefits of juice were first discovered. And they prospered beyond anyone's wildest dreams, because the juicy people were resourceful and devoted themselves to learning ways in which to overcome the obstacles they faced.

And, once again, the universal hatred came to the fore. Even those who claimed juice as one of their favorite drinks condemned the juicy people, because they still required a means for avoiding personal accountability. And for that they needed their traditional juicy scapegoats.

So the juicy people continued to fight for survival and for ensuring a better future for the children. And, God willing, they will continue to prevail.